“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.
Strive to be vulnerable with your husband by baring your most tender feelings and admitting when you’re hurt rather than covering it with anger. When you feel the fear of being rejected or abandoned welling up, find your courage by reminding yourself that you are safe with your husband.
Keep in mind that you can be intimate with your husband only to the degree that you are willing to show him your soft underbelly, because vulnerability is the part of us that connects with other human beings.
Vulnerability is not the same as weakness—it actually takes much more strength and courage to risk emotionally than it does to stay defended.
Surrendering requires that you purposely make yourself vulnerable. You must take some risks to have the kind of marriage you crave.
Being vulnerable with my husband means letting my tears come instead of masking my hurt with anger. It means that even when I feel attacked, I put my fists down and let him see that I am fragile. It means holding steady even when I realize I could be rejected or abandoned when I’m the least prepared for it.
But why would I do any of that? Why take those risks at all?
Because I can enjoy intimacy with my husband only to the degree that I can be vulnerable with him. Thus, a critical part of surrendering is striving to be vulnerable with your husband.
When you are unguarded, you reveal the part of you that naturally connects to another human being. You remind him of your humanity—and his—and you inspire his masculine instinct to protect and support you.
When you let down your guard, the truth comes out in an endearing way, and you feel the incomparable pleasure and joy of being loved just as you are, not for who you think you should be. Intimacy and closeness spring from the relief of admitting you’re not at all perfect, and finding out that you’re still lovable. Intimacy thrives when you relax in your own skin—without having to be vigilant—because you know you’re safe.
