Unless a man understands the importance of making clear signals that he is in the cave, a woman must depend on herself to figure it out. Even if a man knows the importance of giving signals, he will inevitably forget at times to use them. This being the case, it is essential for women to be skilled in checking out when he is in the cave and when he is not.
Just as a man can test to see how upset a woman is by gently touching her and asking her if she needs to talk, a woman can test a man by asking him a few simple questions.
Just as a man can test to see how upset a woman is by gently touching her and asking her if she needs to talk, a woman can test a man by asking him a few simple questions.
When a woman wants to talk, instead of assuming that a man is immediately available she needs to first “pause” and then approach him to see if it is the right time for him. She can “check it out” in a variety of ways.
She can do what she normally does but with a new twist. When a woman wants to talk, she generally asks the other person questions. By asking a man questions about his day she can quickly tell if he is in the mood to talk.
If she says “How was your day?,” when he gives a short answer like OK or fine, it’s a clear signal that he is in his cave or that he is open to having a conversation but would prefer that she talk more.
She can then say “Is this a good time to talk, or would you like to do it later?”
If he is not deep in his cave, he will generally say “This is a good time.” Although he may still feel some resistance, it is not because he is in his cave or because he doesn’t care, but because he doesn’t have much to say. Don’t he disappointed if he doesn’t say “Oh, thanks for asking, I would love to talk.”
If he is hesitant but clearly says “Not right now,” then she can say “OK, I’ll check back later. How about twenty minutes?”
Generally speaking; that should he enough time. lf, however, he needs more time, then it is important to be prepared to accept what he needs. The more gracious and nondemanding she is, the more he will think about taking the time to talk.
