Without becoming overworked himself, a man can learn to be more effective in supporting his partner. At each step, her appreciation will motivate him to do more. It will not entail a major sacrifice nor will he feel controlled. With a deeper understanding of men, a woman can learn how to support a man in providing her with the support she needs.
With a deeper understanding of men, a woman can learn how to support a man in providing her with the support she needs.
Men want to be the providers, they want to take credit for a woman‘s happiness, and they thrive on feeling successful in making a difference. They just need to feel appreciated for it. This is the kind of love and support that a man craves most from a woman.
Men and women complement each other in a very magical way. Men thrive on successfully caring for their partners, while women thrive when they feel cared for. Certainly, women also love to care for their male partners but primarily need to feel cared for themselves. I have never heard a woman say “My partner completely ignores me, but I still love giving to him.” In a similar way, men need to feel cared for but primarily need to feel successful in fulfilling their partners.
Women love to care for their men but primarily need to feel cared for themselves. Men need to feel cared for but primarily need to feel successful in fulfilling their partners.
Why relationship is full of argument
In listening to hundreds of couples on the verge of partings, I hear the same message over and over. Women say they give and give and are tired of giving and not getting back. They want more.
A man‘s discontent is similar but different in a very significant way. Men say “I give and give, but no matter what I do, it is never enough to make her happy.” This is because his condition for fulfillment is primarily based on fulfilling her needs. When she is happy, he is happy.
A woman‘s fulfillment in a relationship is largely dependent on the man‘s supportive behavior, while his happiness is much more linked to her response to his support. When she is fulfilled, he is more willing to do more. When she is not fulfilled, he believes his efforts are not valued and naturally resists doing more.
Men who don’t want to give more simply are not feeling sufficiently appreciated. Before asking him for more, a woman must convince her partner that he is already doing enough. To read him a list of what he is doing wrong only creates more resistance. Appreciating what he does do, however, and making specific requests in small increments, is the key to getting more.
When men feel they are doing enough, they eventually are willing to do a little more.
This simple approach of man as giver and woman as receiver does not mean that men don’t need women or that women should not give. Women will always give, and men will always be happy to receive. That is not the problem. The problem is that women give too much and feel overworked, while men give only what their fathers gave and expect to receive the same measure of support.
Modern women give too much and feel overworked, while men give only what their fathers gave and expect the same measure of support.
Why Wifes Feel They Give More
Women today feel they give more, and in return expect men to give back more. They feel exhausted and overwhelmed because they are certainly getting less than they need, but that doesn’t mean men are giving less.
Men today give by going to work (as their fathers did) and feel unappreciated if they are asked to do more. They expect to leave their work at the office and relax when they get home.
The secret of successful relationships is to clearly understand this basic difference. It is not that the man gives less. He is giving what men have always given. Through understanding the problem without blame, both men and women are motivated to solve their share of the problem.
To solve this basic problem we must first recognize that it is not really about how much more she does. Instead, it is about what she is not getting in order to be fulfilled. As we have explored, the real need that women have that is not being fulfilled is the need to he heard.
As men learn how to provide emotional support through using advanced relationship skills, then and only then will women begin to feel greater warmth and appreciation. Then, as a woman truly feels more centered and appreciative, a man is naturally motivated to gradually do more in the home.
