Men without a deeper understanding are easily frustrated by women who do too much. The busier she is, the less time and appreciation she has for him. He does not feel that he can help her and then fulfill her.
No matter what he does for her, she is always driven to do more. On a feeling level, he feels cut off from her. If he cannot do for her, then he cannot receive her love. He doesn’t feel that he can make a difference in her life. In a very real sense, her independence and sense of autonomy push him away.
These women do not understand that men love to make a difference; to be fulfilled a man needs to feel successful in providing for her fulfillment. This is how men experience greater intimacy with women.
How to Attract Mr. Right
Because it’s more difficult for women who do too much to start relationships, they commonly ask me how to attract a man.
My response is to ask them why they need a man. The question invariably takes them by surprise. They give answers like: “Well, I don’t know if I really need a man” or “I’m not so sure that I need a man.”
Others are more deliberate, clearly stating, “I don’t really need a man, but I want one.”
If these women are to secure a lasting relationship, they must first begin to open up to their feminine side, which feels no shame in saying “I need a man.”
If women are to secure a lasting relationship, they must first begin to open up to their feminine side, which feels no shame in saying “I need a man.”
The Magic of Trust
When a woman is in a hurry or desperate for a relationship, she is definitely feeling from her female side, but it’s not sufficiently nurtured to attract the right man. Through nurturing her female side something magical begins to happen. She feels her need for a man and trusts that at the right time and in the right place she will find him. This openness can be cultivated by finding fulfillment in her female friendships without depending on a man, yet remaining open to receiving a man‘s support.
How Men Experience Intimacy
We must always keep in mind that a man bonds emotionally by successfully doing for a woman. A man experiences greater intimacy each time he succeeds in providing his partner with fulfillment. We must also remember that women experience greater intimacy primarily by receiving love and support. This is a very important distinction. If a woman cannot slow down and allow a man to nurture her female side, she will have trouble creating a bond in the first place.
A simple example of the advanced relationship skill of slowing down to allow a man to support more can be seen very simply and graphically: a man and woman approach a door. Women who do too much will speed up, politely open the door, and wait for the man to walk through. They give to others what they need themselves, which only reinforces the tendency to give and not receive. To nurture her female side, a woman should practice slowing down to make sure he gets to the door first, waiting for him to open it, walking through, and thanking him. When she lets him open the door for her, she gives him an opportunity to support her successfully.
Rituals for Finding Balance
Through this dynamic, a man is placed in the masculine role of providing, and a woman moves to her feminine role of graciously receiving. It also clarifies her real need, which is to be cared for. She doesn’t physically need him to open the door, but when he does, it supports and nurtures her female side. Her femininity needs and thrives on this kind of support in order to find balance.
When a man opens the door for a woman, it is as if he is saying “You are special to me, I care about you, I honor you, I am here for you, I understand you do so much for everyone so I am happy to help make things easier for you whenever I can.”
When a man opens the door for a woman, it is as if he is saying “You are special to me, I care about you, I honor you, I am here for you.”
This loving message is given each time a man goes a little out of his way to show consideration for making his partner’s life easier and more comfortable. Actions speak much louder than words.
