Withdrawing
A particularly foul method of fighting is to say nothing, to withdraw in silence. This is a very loud silence that permeates every aspect of home life. It is not unusual for me as counsellor to hear of husbands who don’t talk to their wives for days on end. When their partners beg them to [...]
Archive for January, 2009
Ease Marital Conflicts continued
January 17, 2009Ease Marital Conflicts
January 17, 2009Smooth-talking
All of the above techniques represent the direct-attack approach to getting one’s own way. There are however, more subtle forms of manipulation that can be extremely effective. One of them is a smooth tongue. Probably the most common form is open flattery. A man invites some friends home for dinner and only tells his wife [...]
Marital Attacks: Foul fighting; Reasoning; Kitbagging; Blaming; Criticism; Ridiculing continued
January 17, 2009Kitbagging
Here one partner has an imaginary kitbag. Every little injury, every little offence, every little hurt is carefully stored in the kitbag. At the time nothing much is said. The person who uses this technique usually suffers in silence — until the kitbag is full. Then when the next disagreement occurs (and usually it’s an [...]
Marital Attacks: Foul fighting; Reasoning; Kitbagging; Blaming; Criticism; Ridiculing
January 17, 2009Foul fighting
What is the function of a referee in a boxing match? Certainly not to stop the fighting. In fact when there’s a boxing match, two people will always be fighting. No, the referee is there to make sure that there is no foul fighting. It is quite alright for two people to fight, as [...]
Irrational Thoughts and Intense Arguments
January 16, 2009A young trainee manager complained bitterly about his immediate boss, because he was being given far too much responsibility. He thought that his boss was simply “passing the buck” and he obviously felt resentful. When pointed out to him that this was actually an indication of the high regard that his boss had for his [...]
Partner has an affair? live with it or shove off ? What do you do?
January 8, 2009In some matter of letting go of a disenchanted lover, but in real-life situations, marital problems often involve complications and entanglements that make our task more difficult. For example, to those men and women who know their partners are having an affair. What should be the attitude of whose partners are being unfaithful? Whereas their [...]
Do you also feel insecure about your marriage?
January 7, 2009“My husband is a very attractive man and he’s the president of his own company although he is still young. I know that women are out to get him, especially some divorced secretaries who constantly flirt with him. I’m raising these kids here at home and I have to admit that I worry about holding [...]
Love must be tough, “the line of respect”
January 6, 2009The best way of keeping a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability, within the context of love. Speaking personally, the secret of my beautiful relationship with Shirley for the past twenty-three years has involved a careful protection of the ‘line of respect‘ between us.
My wife tried to make me feel guilty when she left with her new lover
January 6, 2009“She angrily blamed me for the divorce despite my desperate attempts to hold things together. In her mind, I failed so miserably as a husband that she was forced to run around with her boss! Are you saying that this transfer of responsibility is typical when one spouse has been unfaithful?”
Guilt is a very painful [...]
My Wife has an Affair and I avoid confronting her in Fear of losing her
January 6, 2009“My wife has been involved in an affair with her boss for six months. I’ve known about it from the beginning but just haven’t been able to confront her. Melanie acts as if she doesn’t love me anyway. If I give her an ultimatum I could lose her completely. Can you assure me that that [...]
