Nowhere is this truer than in dating. No one wants to go out with a person who is on some sort of romantic power trip, who thinks a relationship should be as competitive as the workplace or the sports field, and only one of you can come out on top. If you find yourself wondering whether you have more influence over your date than he or she has over you, then shame on you. If the thought, `What am I getting out of this?’ pops into your head, pop it right out again. You are building a beautiful relationship together that will bring joy to both of you equally. This is the ultimate `win/win’ situation.
Sam had a real problem in his dating. On the one hand, he only wanted to date intelligent ‘career’ girls, who were as interesting and ambitious as he was himself. On the other hand, whenever he got serious with any of these girls, he found himself feeling very insecure.
It was only when he and I discussed this that the truth behind it came out. His father had gone bankrupt and his mother had been the family’s main supporter ever since. Sam looked down on his father for his failure, and for not being the traditional breadwinner, and he assumed that his mother felt the same.
I said to him, ‘You are looking at your parents as though they were competitors. But they are married to each other, they are equal partners in everything that they do. They love each other and see themselves as one organic unit. It makes no difference to them who brings the money in. When you marry, you will feel the same.’
To succeed in dating, you must feel and believe that you were created to make someone else happy, that happiness is something everyone is entitled to; that it is a birthright; and that you can give it to the one you love. And the love they give you is a gift from God. Don’t keep looking around to see if other people are getting a better deal, and don’t put your date through endless battles of wits to see which of you is top dog. Don’t abandon them. Never make them cry. Together, you will find real contentment. Just don’t ruin that unity by bringing in a selfish, Godless and competitive spirit into your relationship.
