Don’t expect any less of your boyfriend or girlfriend. While it is improper to goad a date into making more money, fault them for not driving a more expensive car, or beat them over the head to be more ambitious, it is absolutely correct subtly and diplomatically to inspire them to stretch themselves and to achieve what they can spiritually. A relationship in which neither party grows, and neither one inspires the other to grow, will lead to boredom and a feeling that things just aren’t right. People will always feel more satisfied within a relationship that brings out the best in them.
While you should not covet your best friend’s date, you have every right to covet the chivalry, patience, humility and spirituality he shows her. However, be careful how you phrase your criticisms to your own date. You should never tell your boyfriend, ‘Josh, I wish you were more like Ken.’ That will do no good at all.
The best thing to do, if you want your Josh to grow spiritually, is to appeal to his sense of ambition. Perhaps you could put it like this: ‘Josh, I am concerned that people don’t know what a nice guy you are, the way that I do. When you raise your voice at your secretary, she gets a false impression of you as having some kind of bad temper. I want everyone to know how kind you can be. Do you think that the next time you get upset, you can wait a few minutes before you tell her off, so that you do so in the constructive and positive way that I am so accustomed to?’
