Most of us would prefer to be understood, rather than to understand, for real understanding requires hard work, determination and patience — and it is a never-ending task.
When intimate communication dies, the relationship dies — and when the relationship dies, we too die, as individuals. For instance, case histories have shown that infants who had all their physical needs met, but who were deprived of interpersonal contact, developed serious physical illnesses, and even died — simply because they were unable to “communicate” with another person.
Below is a questionnaire which both you and your partner should answer separately.
Every question is asked twice, once relating to the wife and once to the husband. Please answer both questions. In other words you answer the question as it relates to yourself, and you supply the answer your partner is bound to give. Give as much detail as possible, but don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Your first responses are the most significant. Do not discuss your answers with your partner until you have both answered the entire questionnaire. Write your answers on a separate sheet of paper.
- What temperament characteristic does the wife consider to be her strongest point?
- What temperament characteristic does the husband consider to be his strongest point?
- What temperament characteristic does the wife consider to be her weakest point?
- What temperament characteristic does the husband consider to be his weakest point?
- What does the wife fear most as regards the future?
- What does the husband fear most as regards the future?
- What is the wife’s greatest long-term ambition?
- What is the husband’s greatest long-term ambition?
- What skill does the wife consider herself to be best at?
- What skill does the husband consider himself to be best at?
- What frustrates the wife the most?
- What frustrates the husband the most?
- What is the most obvious characteristic that the wife has as inherited from her parents?
- What is the most obvious characteristic that the husband has as inherited from his parents?
- What would the wife like to see changed most in her husband’s behaviour?
- What would the husband like to see changed most in his wife’s behaviour?
- How does the wife want her husband to express his love for her?
- How does the husband want his wife to express her love for him?
- What needs of the wife does her husband not meet at present?
- What needs of the husband does his wife not meet at present?
- Who had the greatest influence on the wife before she was married?
- Who had the greatest influence on the husband before he was married?
- In what area is the wife developing spiritually?
- In what area is the husband developing spiritually?
- What is the wife’s greatest stumbling block towards spiritual growth?
- What is the husband’s greatest stumbling block towards spiritual growth?
- How would the wife describe her sexual relations with her husband?
- How would the husband describe his sexual relations with his wife?
- What does the wife enjoy most about the marriage relationship?
- What does the husband enjoy most about the marriage relationship?
- What aspect of her behaviour would the wife like to improve?
- What aspect of his behaviour would the husband like to improve?
- What aspect of your marriage relationship do your close friends admire most?
When you have both completed the questionnaire, please compare your answers with those of your partner and score each item as follows
3 points for answers that were almost exactly the same 2 points for answers that were the same in some areas 1 point for answers that were slightly similar
0 points for answers that were completely different.
The maximum score is 99. Any couple who scored 90 or more, either cheated or are unique as far as their communication is concerned. A score of 70 and higher shows that your communication is at a very high level. A score between 60 and 69 indicates an above average understanding, while a score below 45 suggests that there is much room for improvement.
