1 Peter 3:7 describes file wife as “the weaker partner” and as such she needs to be protected. Most of us have no difficulty in acknowledging the fact that we are to protect our wives physically. Not many of us, however, recognise that she needs emotional protection even more.
From the children. A mother‘s nerves can be run ragged by children. Disobedience, back-chatting, cheekiness, etc. all take a heavy toll on your wife‘s emotions. She needs your protection. In our home I will not stand for any hassling of Mum. If the children do not obey her instantly, they know that they will have me to reckon with in a way that doesn’t leave much room for debate. Cheeking Mum is met with swift reprisal. Constantly nagging her, or yelling for her to come is simply not allowed.
Recently we visited some friends in the evening. When it came to bed-time the four-year-old boy didn’t want to go. The mother had to speak to him several times, without receiving any response. Finally she dragged him off to his bedroom screaming — somewhat embarrassed by our presence. During this whole scene the husband merely looked on, and in so doing failed to love his wife. There must be no doubt that the father is head of the house — but the children must have no doubt whatsoever that in the father’s absence, his authority has been fully delegated to the mother.
From the in-laws. Why are most of the in-law jokes about the husband and mother-in-law, and very few about the wife and mother-in-law relationship? Could it be that the latter is so often a source of conflict, that it is too serious to be joked about? Some months ago a husband asked me to come and talk to his wife because she had some serious problems. It turned out however, that his wife was being totally destroyed by his mother and that he was doing nothing to protect her. His mother would come for a visit and promptly start re-arranging the furniture, make critical remarks about the neatness of the house, point out her daughter-in-law’s inefficiency, and in fact openly suggest that her son would do well to divorce his wife. At first I couldn’t believe it that a mother-in-law could do such things, but he admitted this to be true. He had failed to protect his wife and the marriage relationship suffered untold damage as a result.
I remember that when our first baby arrived, Joy was a bit apprehensive because my mother was coming to stay with us for a few weeks. As my mother got out of the car, I greeted her, then took her to one side and said, “Mum, remember it’s our baby. We’re glad you’ve come to stay, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t offer any advice about the baby unless Joy specifically asks you.” To this day I’m not sure whether I upset my mother or not — but my first responsibility was to protect my wife.
From difficult decisions. The burden of decision-making can be rough on a woman’s nerves. Shield her from this. Make the decision for her. I strongly believe that the ultimate responsibility for the family finances rests with the husband, and you should not abdicate that responsibility to your wife. By all means consult her and involve her — but you must accept the responsibility for the final decision.
There is no way that you as husband can justify the abdication of your leadership role in the house — and that means especially the decision-making role. There are obviously many decisions you can and should leave toe your wife, especially with regard to managing the household, but whenever a particular decision causes emotional stress for her she should be able to delegate it to you.
From fatigue and time pressure. In our home we refer to the period between 17h00 and 19h00 as the “Valley of the Shadow”, and I think this is probably true of every home with young children. That’s the time when the kids are tired and become difficult, while Mum is flustered in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready on time. That’s when her nerves are sensitive and her fuse very short. That’s when she needs emotional protection more than any other time. That’s when you need to step in and bring order into the chaos. Keeping the kids away from her at that time may be a greater act of love than all your caressing in the bedroom.
From tense relationships. Although a husband probably cannot protect his wife from every awkward situation, he can nevertheless make sure that she is not constantly burdened by tense relationships. She should, for example, not have to get involved in a drawn-out wrangle with a shopkeeper about a defective article that she wants to return. Nor should she have to be troubled by difficulties with neighbours or relatives.
Once an incident at a neighbour’s house led to some hasty and somewhat unkind words being spoken. Joy felt upset about this, since the neighbours were good friends of ours. I considered it my responsibility to go to the neighbours and clear the whole matter up, thus protecting Joy from having to cope with this tense situation.
On another occasion a great misunderstanding arose between her and her mother in the course of their correspondence. Although Joy does virtually all the letter- writing in our home, I had to put pen to paper and clear up the situation. Again it was my responsibility to protect her emotionally.
