Philippians 2:3-5 says we must consider the needs of others more important than our own needs, just as Christ did. This means that as far as material things are concerned a new suede coat for your wife must have preference over a new set of golf clubs for yourself, or whatever both of your particular desires may be. In doing this, you are letting her know that she is Number One, and that you take her interests very seriously.
It also means meeting her social needs. As men, we often experience a great deal of social interaction in our work situation. We have stimulating discussions with our colleagues and meet interesting people, with the result that most of us are only too glad to spend a quiet evening at home.
However, she may feel cooped up at home especially if she has small children, and have a great need to go out — not only with her husband, but also to enjoy male company.
For example, I don’t enjoy office parties — Joy absolutely loves them. Similarly I spend a great deal of time conducting business seminars at hotels, so I’m not at all keen on going out to a restaurant for dinner, but she loves it and so I take her gladly. It’s always a good investment in our relationship.
We must also put our wives first in our sexual relations. Most of us turn on very quickly sexually, like an electric light — and we can make love anywhere, anytime, at the drop of a hat. Women respond differently. They are sexually aroused by atmosphere and romance, and it takes them longer to get warmed up — like an old-fashioned iron. It is therefore very difficult for a wife to respond to a husband who comes home late, reads his newspaper, does some work in the garage, watches a bit of TV goes to bed, and then suddenly puts out a hand in the dark.
Women need to be wooed, some with romantic music, some with low lights and murmuring sweet nothings in her ear — most of them with a time of just communicating together. Occasionally I ‘phone Joy in the afternoon and ask her to “switch on the iron” or else when I leave for work in the morning I give her “a kiss with a future”. A fun way to prepare for love-making is to have a kneecap session in the bath just before going to bed.
Remember that most women are stimulated by gentle caressing and fondling. The “quickie” seldom satisfies either partner. Women are more easily distracted than men — so ensure complete physical privacy, and give her plenty of time to get everything off her mind. Women are also more easily affected by fatigue than men. Don’t force yourself on her if she is too tired — if she has to keep on saying “no” you’ll only create guilt feelings in her, and if she gives in reluctantly she‘ll feel resentful. In either case you both lose. When she does agree to make love readily don’t expect her to reach an orgasm each time. Women can enjoy their sexual relations without always reaching a climax — by “forcing” her, you only create a sense of failure in her.
When you put her needs before your own, you are loving her the way God intended you to love her.
